FERTILITY.....
it has been a long, hard journey and I decided I need to start journaling my feelings. After a big pity party this month I did a little therapy on myself (as ethical as that is :) and decided that I would recommend getting it all out so here goes nothing...
Matt and I decided in early 2009 that we wanted to start a family. I was set to graduate with my Masters degree in May and thought it would be great timing. I went off birth control in January of 2009. I was having some health concerns with being cold a lot, gaining weight and losing more hair than I felt was normal. The Dr. did a Thyroid test and all was normal so we continued doing what we were doing and hoped for good news.
In August of 2009 we had big excitement. I was late, in fact I was very late! We went to a family wedding thinking "Wow, that was fast, AWESOME!" Then I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. 2 weeks later I still had not gotten a period, so I call the Dr. and had a blood test done. I was not pregnant. Since it had been so long since my last period they thought I had to have Thyroid problems, so yet another Thyroid test that was once again NORMAL. So we were told just to keep trying, it doesn't always happen over night.
This was the first of many late or non-existent periods and times of excitement and big let downs.
I had never realized how many people are having babies until I wasn't able to have one. It seemed like everyone I knew was pregnant and it just made our troubles that much worse. Don't get me wrong, I was and am still very happy for those people, but still thought that they all suck!
Matt and I had been married for 2 years and everyone started asking, "So when are you having kids?" They did this with best intentions, but it was so hard not to scream. I just wanted to say "TRUST ME WE'D HAVE ONE OR TWO BY NOW IF WE COULD!!!"
So in June of 2010 my Dr. finally referred me onto Mid-Iowa Fertility for further testing. We had to do lots of paperwork and prepping for this appointment. We found that my insurance only covers $15,000 lifetime. That seems like lots of money, but the bills add up VERY, VERY FAST!
This was also the time we had to start telling family that we were having troubles and needed a family history. Matt's family didn't have any history, but mine had some secondary fertility where it was harder to get pregnant the second time. This really didn't pertain to us because we just wanted to get pregnant 1 time.
Starting fertility treatment also came with lots of help. Once again, I understand people don't always know what to say, so you hear "Oh, just go on vacation," "Relax," "Just stop trying and don't think about it, then it will happen."
Well Matt and I had been on vacations, but when you have fertility issues there is no such thing as relaxing and not thinking about it. FERTILITY becomes your life and everyday means something.
July of 2010 was our first meeting with the doctor. We met with Dr. Brian Cooper and I really liked him. He took a brief history of Matt and I and immediately turned to me and said he thought something may not be right. My very irregular periods and cramping aren't normal, well it did make me feel a little better and I wasn't making this stuff up!! So he gave us a plan of attack and we began!!
It started with Matt getting a paper bag and a cup to do his duty. I had to do everything based on my cycle. Lots of blood work in the beginning. We also had to do a dye test to make sure my fallopian tubes and uterus were all looking right. The dye test was honestly the most scary part, but didn't turn out to be too bad.
Late August or early September we met with Dr. Cooper again and go the results. Matt is average to above average (but we all knew that :) so he was off the hook and now to me. Yep, I'm the problem, Surprise, Surprise! That day I was diagnosed with Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Long story short, I don't ovulate and you can't make a baby without an egg.
The Dr. seemed very optimistic and we got another plan of attack. I would start on Metformin immediately. This is a medication to help with my insulin. One thing with PCOS is that your hormones are out of control and therefore your insulin is out of wack. As horrible as this sounds it was awesome to me. I had been putting on more and more weight and this helped explain it all, I wasn't going crazy, there were medical reasons.
Then, I would take a medication to force a period and start Clomid to make me ovulate.
This is where stuff got bad and it really made me think, how much do I want to do this? The medication to induce a period was great for the first 8 of 10 days, then day 9 happened. I was working and had just gone to Quiznos with a co-worker. We got back to the office and I had the worst cramps of my life. I also started hot flashes. I had never had a hot flash before and really didn't know what was happening to me. I went to the bathroom thinking I was going to get sick. I got to the bathroom and started thinking I was going to pass out. I really didn't want to pass out in the bathroom and not know if/when anyone would find me. I went back to my desk and my co-worker asked if I was okay because I was white as a ghost. I told her no, I had started a new treatment and it wasn't going well. We decided I needed to go home. So I drove home (maybe not the smartest, but I made it). When I got home I went to sleep and slept for almost 6 hours. That was a very rough day, but luckily that medicine was a one time thing!
Then I started Clomid. We did blood work again and the Clomid appeared to be making me ovulate. But, then Matt got sent to Lamoni for 4 days a week August-December. It is a little hard to have a baby by yourself and when your husband is gone 4 days a week pregnancy isn't going to happen. So, I was switched to Femera in December/January. Femera was more expensive, but supposed to have a higher success rate. I bought ovulation tests and off we went again.
Ovulation tests have never worked for me. The nurses say this is semi-normal, but something else to add to my list of failures. With Femera also started internal ultrasounds. I would go to the Dr. on day 15 and have ultrasounds to see if they could detect enlarged follicles. As eggs develop follicles grow and when they reach a certain size they "should" release an egg. The 1st 3 months were negative, no follicles, so we upped the amount of Femera.
Then April 2011 we got good news 1 large follicle. WOOHOO we would be doing intrauterine insemination the next day. April 21st at 8:00 we went to the Dr. again. Matt had to go in and give his sample first. Then we sat in the waiting room for an hour while the "washed" it and got all the good ones for insemination. They called our name and we went in a little room. A nurse came in about 5 minutes later and reviewed how we knew the specimen was Matt's and we signed off. It took the nurse maybe 3 minutes to do the insemination. They put my hips in the air and I laid there for 20 minutes. Matt and I talked about how awesome it would be to get pregnant the day between our birthdays. We went home and had a 2 week wait.
Unfortunately I did not get pregnant. Dr. Cooper had called 1 week after to tell us my progesterone was good again and showed ovulation.
Since Matt is not the problem we decided we would try May on our own. Well May 31st came and around and once again a no go. So I called the Dr. office and we got another prescription. I was told that we had been on Femera for 6 months and can't get another prescription after this month. We would need to have a meeting with Dr. Cooper.
So I went to Target and got my last prescription. June 14th and still no detection on ovulation tests. I went in for an ultrasound on the 15th and great news, 3 follicles. This is the most I had ever had. 1 follicle on the right side and 2 on the left. So the next day we went in for another IUI. This time around we went to breakfast in between collection and injection. A little Cracker Barrell for good luck! This time around was much more uncomfortable and I had lots more cramping.
I went home after and Matt went on to work. I laid down for a "little" nap and woke up 3 hours later. I continued to cramp for a few days. And here we are 3 days later and waiting.
Friday I had my first official break down. I must say I have done pretty good, but with the possibility that this is our last chance I couldn't handle it. That is why I decided to start writing. The past 2 years has been an up and down time of excitement and ultimate disappointment. Our fingers are now crossed for the best 4th of July ever and a positive pregnancy test!
No comments:
Post a Comment